Thursday, 17 May 2012

Letters to Arden - May 16, 2012

Dear Arden,

Tomorrow is your second birthday! You will be two whole, wonderful years old, and your new baby brother Jack will be one month old. An amazing thing happened the day Jack was born. You came to visit us in the hospital, and suddenly you were no longer our little baby – you were our big little girl! When I hugged you, you were so much heavier than you were the day before. You have never grown so quickly as you did in that one day. It’s funny how things can change overnight, how time can push us forward, almost before we’re ready, into another world.

In this new world, your hands are chubbier, your expressions more grown up, your steps surer, and your will stronger. I see the signs of a little lady, flashes of who you will be in another year, another decade. The fire in your eyes is brighter as you take in these surroundings. You are wiser, even as there is more at which to wonder.

Something happened to me, too. They say that when another child comes along, a mother’s love multiplies. It does not divide to diminish the love for the first. And truly, my love for you has not diminished. Quite the opposite in fact! You see, my heart has become bigger. Loving Jack has made me love you even more. These changes have created a whole new space within me, a space where my love for you has expanded, even exploded. Though you are running with bigger steps each day, this love is always one step ahead.

This is one of those divine miracles of motherhood. This is the nature of love, because it is the nature of God. He is always bigger than we imagine Him to be. When the unknown comes upon us, He knows the way ahead. When we are tossed forward, it is never into a space where He is not. When we think we’ve reached the end of the rope, love uncoils a new beginning. The more we grow, the more of Him we see. The more we love, the more love there is.

 “Aslan, said Lucy, “you’re bigger.” 
“That is because you are older, little one,” answered he. 
“Not because you are?” 
“I am not. But every year you grow, you will find me bigger.” 
(CS Lewis, Prince Caspian)

As you turn two, little one, know that I love you more each day, each year. As you grow, I too am growing into God’s infinite love. There will always be room for you. There will always be more love.

love Mommy

Wednesday, 16 May 2012

Letters to Arden - March 29, 2012

Dear Arden,

You are no longer our little baby, but our growing bigger girl. Soon you will be a big sister! So many changes are on the way . . . you too are changing every day. You are growing into the life God has given you, growing into your fiery personality, your independence, your identity as a daughter, a sister, but most of all your very own identity as you, just you. And that is how I love you. I love just you.

I am still learning who you are! Still discovering all the little things that make you sweet and hilarious and mischievous and marvelous. You are free to be just you! And though you are not like me in many ways, I will love you even when I don’t understand you. I will embrace the way God has shaped you. I will encourage you to make your own path, even when I cannot follow.

And when your new brother or sister arrives (any day now!), you will not lose your place in our love, in our lives. You will continue to be our Arden, our firstborn, our daughter, the spark of joy that first set us alight as parents.

Just you. And that will always be enough.

love Mommy

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