Baby bear

Oh my baby boy, flushed and warm with milk, snuggle-sized and sleeping –

In these tender moments I marvel at my reality, you here with me.

Now you are my teddy bear, a growling, grinning bundle that fits just so in my arms.

Even so, you are growing, tumbling out of babyhood into more and more boy-ness. You stretch and roll and reach and I cannot contain you as I once did. I cannot hold all of this life, and I was never meant to, but I catch my moments when I can. That crooked smile of contentment, that chubby arm around my neck, that face buried soft in mine. Moments turn into days, and days fly by quick as autumn’s leaves.

The seasons shift and you shape into the boy you will be, the boy with a heart of a bear, and I pray for strength in all this shape-shifting. You will outgrow my arms and one day I may fit in yours, and that is the pain and joy of mothering a son; that is the reality we share.

Know that my arms will always be open and my prayers will always be fierce and my strength will never be enough, but His will be and we will both tumble into that. 

~lg

making holy

In the midst of the day, the noon of it all, the pressing in walls

I make a space

I make it holy

I turn the chair

Away from the mess, the ever unfinished busyness

I turn toward the window

To a horizon deep and wide

I set this place apart

I set my eyes and heart above

I turn the page

And let the Word wash over the mess

(The only housecleaning I may get to today)

It sets me apart

It makes me holy

Fills all this space

Till I turn and turn and turn

And everything is horizon

And everything is holy

~lg

When you don't know how to pray

When you don’t know how to pray. . .

Tears can be prayers, dripping from a bruised and smoldering heart, silent messages collected in His bottle. He knows the language of tears.

Groans can be prayers, too deep for words, yet the Spirit sighs along with you, and He knows the mind of God, the will of God, and intercedes for His purpose. He doesn’t need words to know your heart.

Drops of blood can be prayers, the stress and the sacrifice, laid on the altar before the Priest who ever lives and pleads for you. Because of His pain, yours is lifted to the Father in perfect intercession.

When you don’t know how to pray, there is One who does, One who is praying right along with you. You can have peace that surpasses understanding, knowing it is not your words and your work that matter, but His Word and His Work.

When you don’t know how to pray, pray past the how and into the Who – He hears.

~lg

Real Life

Don’t be afraid. This is not something other than ordinary life. This is ordinary life as it is meant to be. This is breathing, this is walking with the Spirit. This is living and moving and being in a new way. It is a new way of living in the world – your world.

First, it is seeing your world in a whole new way – through eyes of faith and hope and love; through the eyes of a gracious, glorious Father and a relentlessly redemptive Son and a holy, whole-life-giving Spirit.

Then, it is imagining your world in a whole new way – through seeking the kingdom and righteousness first; through praying “Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done,” on earth, yes, my little piece of earth.

Finally, it is recreating your world in a whole new way – through the surprising and satisfying partnership of Creator and created; through each step, in step, with Him till you become Him, His nail-pierced feet bringing beautiful news.

Don’t be afraid! This is what you were meant for. This is what your heart longs for when it beats with His. This is your world – your family, your relationships, your home, your community, your career, your life. This is His life breathed into all of that ordinariness, and you, caught up in the current. This is real life. 

~lg

a thousand tongues

Oh Holy One, how can I best gather up your praise? How can I tell the wonders of your beauty, the myriad of ways you show a glimpse of your face? In the smooth, wooden blocks my daughter stacks so carefully, in the play of shadow and light on the living room floor, in the rustle of summer foliage outside the window, in the soft, spicy sweetness of a cookie baked with kindness. This very room is bursting with goodness. You are worthy of praise in all these things, for You are the Giver of all good things. 

In the great and in the small, You are found by the seeking heart, the sensitive eye. You have filed up the earth, yet we walk around empty handed because our capacity is so limited. Give us larger vessels! Give us wider eyes! Give us open hands! 

Your kindness is everywhere - let it soften us into repentance, repentance for all the ways we ignore and limit You, the ways we adore and imitate other gods instead of the only Good there is. 

Oh, for a thousand tongues to sing my great Redeemer’s praise! Oh, for a thousand ears to hear the mighty chorus sung by all the living! 

Oh, for one, undivided heart to seek and find and worship You!

~lg

Intercessions

Father of the Lost,

Find your wandering ones, your weak and weary ones. Show them that the way to be found is to be hidden in you.When they feel like they’re about to lose it, may they let go of the very last thing, so that losing all is gaining all. May they let go so as to be held. May they know the strength and sufficiency of your intimacy. Let them be found in the mysterious miracle of you in them and they in you. Father of the Lost, you seek us first, and in this is our salvation.

Amen.

Single-handed Theology: Learning to Love

She carries her Baby around wherever she goes. Now that there is a real baby in the house, Arden is all the more interested in taking care of her own. She changes her diaper. She wraps her up in a blanket. She looks for owies and bugbites and kisses them better. She feeds her, and then burps her. When it’s naptime, she wants Baby tucked under the covers. When we pray before bed, she wants me to hold Baby’s hand too. It’s so sweet, this learning to love.

Sometimes she gets overwhelmed by all that baby needs. The velcro diaper tabs don’t always stick right. The blanket doesn’t wrap around just so. Baby falls out of bed. And she’s worried about that same owie on Baby’s head that never goes away. When it’s all too much, there are tears, and sometimes poor Baby gets tossed to the floor in frustration. It’s so hard, this learning to love.

She learns from me. All she knows about taking care of Baby is copied from what I do. (Except throwing Baby on the floor!) And when she needs help, she comes to me – for assistance, for reassurance, for that extra kiss to make things all better. Gently, I show her the way. There are times I just smile wide because the love seems to come so naturally to her. There are times I’m a tad concerned, like when swaddling turns into smothering, but I know she’ll soon get the hang of it.

I look at her looking at me, a mommy mirror. I pray I am a good example.

I look at her looking at me, and I see myself again in her. I am the one learning. I am new at this too.

I pray for clear eyes to see my Father’s heart and His way with me.

I pray for ears to hear my Father’s voice and heed His wisdom.

I pray for the grace to love well.

My little girl, we will learn to love together. 

~lg